COWBOYS - 5 Things I Don't Want to See on Draft Day

Posted by Taz

So any moron can write about what a team should pick up with their draft picks. In fact, pick a sports website, and they will be going off about who should pick what. I prefer the opposite. I’d rather tell you what I do not want. I don’t do this in some lame attempt to be different. I do this to keep my sanity. See, if I did what every other Cowboys fan did, and obsessively fixate on a player, I would be disappointed when we picked someone else. Like you know, in 2004 when we decided to ignore drafting Steven Jackson, and ended up with Julius Jones. Or two years ago, when I hoped we would not use one of our first two picks on a tight end. Lo and behold, we ended up with Anthony Fasano. Apparently it’s too much to hope that your team will not spend their second round pick to back up your starting pro bowl tight end.

So instead of being disappointed we didn’t end up with (fill in name of player from your undergrad school that will be a bust in the NFL), I just want to be thankful that we don’t do something so dumb in the draft, that I get made fun of by my anti-Cowboy friends.
So here are my five things I do not want to happen on draft day:


1) We draft a linebacker in round one

It’s not the fact that we spent our last 3 first round picks and a second round pick on linebackers. It’s not the fact that of those four players, three are backups. It’s not the fact that now everyone views Carpenter as the player that is included in every idiotic trade idea by people who post on message boards. You know…we offer Carpenter and a sixth rounder for Anquan Boldin, Chad Johnson, Jason Taylor, the rights to Brett Farve when he unretires, etc. (I never understand these people – if we think that Carpenter sucks, why would NFL personnel people think he is great. Do these people think that the only people who watch games in the NFL are them and not GMs of other teams)? It also isn’t the fact that in the last three years we have signed 2 linebackers to be starters, and converted Greg Ellis to OLB. It definitely is not the fact that the majority of the league would trade their linebacking corps for ours. Or the fact that we have more pressing needs (like having a backup running back who wasn’t on the practice squad last year, or last’s years 7th rounder as our #3 corner).

It’s the fact that if we pick a linebacker, it will mean that the Giants don’t get that player. This means that I will have to hear Chris whine about not getting a linebacker in round one. This whining will increase when the Giants look at their board, realize their best player on it is Joe Flacco (you know, the guy who had to transfer from Pitt because he was stuck behind a player best known for this), and not care that he will be spending the majority of his Giant’s career holding a clipboard and keeping Jared Lorenzen from stealing all the post game food spread in their locker room. I know this because it was exactly like last year, when I had to hear Alli whine about the fact that instead of ending up with a safety in round one, they ended up with Kevin Kolb. In fact, Alli still complains about it, and I want to avoid having to hear the same from Chris.


2) Trading up for McFadden

You do not want to know how afraid I am of trading up in this draft. It’s one thing if we trade up about 3-4 picks and lose a 4th rounder in the process. It’s another when we package both our first rounders and a pick next year to move to the 9 spot so we can pick up McFadden. Don’t get me wrong; I would love to have him. But I would also love to have Tony Gonzales backing up Witten, or love having Romo backing up Brady. It’s a freaking luxury; something that is stupid to go after when we can use the exact same picks to fill our holes.

This whole trading up thing also bothers me for more than just being a luxury. First, we are going to be subjected to trillions of articles written by Mediots and posts by idiot bloggers like myself. Second, we have a bunch of key players to extend such as Newman, Barber, Canty, etc. And then there is DeMarcus Ware, who is going to cost so much to extend, it is not funny. Adding a huge contract in the draft doesn’t help this, something the Mediots will point out. Third, how much playing time is he getting? Who is sitting when the game is on the line, Pro Bowler Marion Barber, or top 10 draft pick McFadden? Do you really want to have BSPN’s talking heads debate this on Sportscenter three times a week for the entire season? Fourth, by using our top two picks to fill a luxury, we do not fill actual needs. What’s the use of having McFadden when we have to spend the second half of games watching Sam Hurd and Miles Austin drop pass after pass because our 3rd corner gave up 3 touchdowns in the first half and we can’t throw to TO and Witten because they are each double covered? Then we will end up with tons of articles by Mediots talking about how useless the McFadden trade was.

Actually, I think this bothers me for one reason – my quality of life is going to suffer if every time I turn on the TV, I have to hear Woody Paige, Jim Rome, Skip Bayless, Steven A. Smith, or some other loud-talking BSPN moron screaming at the top of their lungs about how they are right. Note how much I detest the fact BSPN analysts seem to think that yelling makes their idiotic point more valid, and the fact that BSPN seems to think that yelling is a perfectly acceptable form of journalism.


3) Try to get a Bengals Receiver

Yeah, I don’t want Chad Johnson. I understand having TO and Chad on the same team works great in fantasy, but in real life I don’t see that happening. If we ended up with Randy Moss opposite TO, at least he only takes off plays when things don’t go his way. If we had Chad, either him or TO would be perpetually throwing childish tantrums in the media while the other was complaining that Romo was only targeting him only 68% of the time. Plus the amount of money we would have to throw at Chad would probably somehow bite us in the ass when we have to resign Barber, Newman, or Ware.

I don’t want Chris Henry. It’s not the fact that he is a one man crime wave (as declared by the Ohio Judiciary), or the fact that he apparently doesn’t have a clue how much of a moron he is. It’s the fact that he once was arrested while wearing his own jersey. Wearing your own jersey? What the hell is up with that? Did he run out of clothing that day? Or did he want to make sure people knew that he was on the Bengals, somehow forgetting that any person with $400.00 to spare and who can navigate here on the internet can do the exact same thing?


4) Show footage of the Cowboy’s draft room during the draft

Every time they show a live shot of the draft room, you see Jerry Jones right in the middle of the camera in the middle of a long monologue to a group of his underlings. Do you think I want to see this? Hell no! I don’t want to be reminded that the man running the Cowboys is the same guy who once traded two first round picks for Joey Galloway. And picked Quincy Carter in the second round. And signed Ryan Leaf to be our starting quarterback. And does more commercials than any other Cowboys player. I don’t want to remember that the only way to remove him as GM is to charge him with some sort of tax fraud, insider trading, or something else that has a long jail sentence under the federal sentencing guidelines. I want to at least maintain the fiction that somewhat credible football people are having some input into who we draft.


5) Trade anything above a 5th round pick for Pac Man Jones

The fact is that the amount of leverage we have here is about as much as you can get. The player in question has done so many dumb things, that he is a public relations nightmare. The team has publicly vowed to get rid of him. The only person bidding for his services are the Cowboys. Heck, Pac Man won’t even apply for reinstatement until after he gets traded - so the Titans cannot even play him if they wanted.

The Cowboys keep saying that this will not affect their draft strategy and that he is a luxury. This should mean that the Cowboys should say “we are offering nothing more than a 5th, and if you don’t like it, why don’t you trade him to someone else? Oh wait, no one wants him, and the moment you cut him, he is signing with Dallas anyways.” Frankly, I am afraid that because these trade talks have been going on for a while and because they are so public, Jerry has convinced himself that he has to have Pac Man, and decide that it’s ok to trade a 3rd and a 2009 conditional pick.

I’m not only going to be pissed if we overpay for Pac Man, the fact is if we overvalue his services in a way that makes us pay too much compensation for him, we will start relying on him too much. And just wait until December, when he finds a way to do something stupid in front of another strip club and Goodell kicks him out of the league. I feel that it is only a matter of time.